


3am thoughts

by Marinatedchildren



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confident Remus Lupin, F/M, Fluff, Flustered Sirius Black, Group chat, Hogwarts, Humour, M/M, Magic, Marauders, Marauders era, Memes, Modern, Modern AU, Muggle Remus, Muggle Remus Lupin, Non magic AU, Texting, Wizard Sirius black, Wrong number, chat, jily, no magic, wizard Sirius, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29273205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marinatedchildren/pseuds/Marinatedchildren
Summary: Sirius texts the wrong number, Remus answers. This is purely for my amusement so a lot of sarcasm and jokes ect..Wolfstar and Jily ofc!No magic
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 30





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay here's what you need to know-
> 
> EVERYONES MUGGLES AHHH
> 
> Sirius James and Peter go to a boarding school 
> 
> Remus and Lily are home schooled 
> 
> Modern Au so they have access to mobiles and modern music ect... 
> 
> This isn't going to be plot based or anything I'm just doing it for laughs
> 
> Remus is in italics  
> Sirius in bold  
> Lily is underlined

_**Unknown number** _

**prOOnnnNGdjssss**

**whats the answer to 8**

**OI TWIG PUBES**

**jaaaahhhhmmmmmmmeeeeeeennnnnsssssssss**

_the answer is 65_

**love yhouuuu**

**wait**

**THIS IS ENGLISH YOU TWAT**

_yeah you got the wrong number_

**Hway**

_huh_

**I saiiidddddddddd**

**W H A T**

_no you said hway_

**sAym thing**

**where is PROGNs**

_how would I know_

**becAuse your on his fone**

_1) please learn how to spell_

_2) you messaged the wrong number, maybe try texting the right one_

_**i dOnt have tIIIIMe for this** _

_Well by all means, leave_

**bUht im sTuuuckkkkk**

_Shame_

**uR rudw**

**hEKp me**

_no_

***send image***

_You_

_You don't know the answer to THAT?_

**Shtup**

_omg I'm dying_

_It literally says 'What are the moon phases'_

**hOW am I suPosed to k nOw that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

_*send link*_

_moon website_

**tAnksss love yOu**

_go do your test_

**oKey**

**I faIled**

_I figured you would_

**wHAt**

**howW**

_Well you can't spell and you didn't know what the moon phases were_

_so unless you are 5 years old, that's concerning_

**i cAN spEll**

**jUst my tExtin vIbe is liek This**

_Write me a full sentence_

**aBout WHat**

_You, write it about you so I know you're not a serial killer_

**Hello, my name is Sirius and I am one sexy motherfucker**

_I didn't mean you're name, I now have a 83% higher chance of tracking_

_you down_

**how dO yoU kn ow thE pErcanTige**

_aaand there goes the spelling_

_and the name Sirius is not common you know_

_I just need to figure out what city uses those tests you literally sent_

_me a picture of, and bam, I found you!_

**oH SHIT**

**pLeaSe dOnt kill m E**

**MoOny**

**nO pLssss**

**Fh#uck**

**prOngs if yOur rEading thIIS i wa S the one whi set yur hairr on fire**

**iM sorry**

_I'm back, had to make chocolate milk_

_who's Moony_

**Yho dUh ..**

**bEcaus yo.u HElped me on The moooooooon quEstion**

_wait._

_you set your friends hair on fire_

**mhm**

_dare I ask why?_

**oHmgosh you TYpe like such a grandDad**

**but YEs hE drOwned my OtheR phon**

**fIGHT wAter with FIrre mOOny**

_fire with fire_

**hUh**

_the saying_

_its 'fight fire with fire'_

**sHite**

**aNyways fRIEnd whAT u dOIng**

_Oh we are friends now are we?_

**yes**

_wow, an actual word_

**nO th at WAs a tYpo**

**yEs********

_fuck sake_

**DID YOU JUST SWEAR MOONY**

**tHat dOEs some shIt to me nGl**

_Okay so you have a swearing kink?_

_making a note to never swear again_

**nO noT liek ThattTttt**

**iTs juST you sEem so eLderly**

_Wow okay_

_so you think I am an old person but you're still texting me_

**not like THAT**

**iTs just**

**i FeEl likE yOu woUld thROW hOly water aT me fOr haviNg prEmarital sEx**

_I honestly don't know how to respond to that so I am gonna answer your previous question_

_I am actually waiting for a pizza_

**oOoOoO wHat kinD**

_Margherita_

**aNdddd........**

_That's it, just Margherita_

**mOony im so diSsapoInted**

_What, why?_

**oUt of thE whooooole world of pizasyou pIck pla in CHEESE**

_Oh you're one of those pineapple on pizza guys aren't you_

**WE CANT DISCRIMINATE**

_it's not discrimination it's just wrong_

**wE have too HCange the comVersation beFOre i gEt mad @ u**

**wHats yor name stranGer**

_Tibi Muta_

**oKay an you sAid MY namE was Weird**

_I said your name was uncommon_

_Not weird_

**AWWW DO U LIKE MYN NAAAME TIBI**

_Sirius I want you to do something for me_

**anYthinG for mY mOony**

_I want you to put my name into google_

**oKey**

_Now press translate to English_

**moOny tHat is nOT NICE**

_Why what does it say??_

**it says your dumb**

_huh, that is so strange_

**i will type normally now**

_No i was joking, type how you want_

**no its alright i know im a lot**

_No you're not, I was being shitty I'm sorry_

**iTs oKey**

**can I kNow your REAL name tHough**

_It's Remus_

**AWWWWHHHHHH HI REMUSSSS**

**REY REY**

**REMUS MOONY**

**REEEEEEEMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS**

_I regret this already_

**Dont be sihly remus i love your name remus**

_I cannot believe you think sihly is a word_

**oKey so ur a guy then**

_yes_

**cOol saym**

_look I have to ask, are you homophobic or anything because that_

_will be an issue_

**PLEAASEEEEEEE IM SO GAY LMAO**

**like i pRObs shit RAINBOWS**

_Okay good_

**GOOD**

**GOOOOOOD??**

_NOT WHAT I MEANT_

**MOONY REMUS ARE YOU HITTING ON ME**

_What I MEANT was it's good you're not homophobic_

**RIIIIIIghtttttttttttt oooookkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyyy**

_I'm going to go eat my pizza now_

**okaaaaaay ;)**

_Never use that face again_

**;);:):))::););0;0):):):):):):0;;0):0;0**

_(read at 5.56pm)_

**rud e**

_**Lily** _

_Oi, witch_

Oi bitch 

_I soften the blow and you outright call me a bitch_

its what you are

deal with it

_Anyways_

_I have a small maybe-issue_

Do tell 

_Well this guy started texting me_

AHHHSHSJBDKWXIS:OYGVH?LWN:SX

_Jesus Lily calm down_

Sorry it's just you only seem to talk to me and your mother

this is a big deal

oh he's not a pedophile is he?

please tell me you checked 

Remus John Lupin I will beat your bloody arse if you didn't check

_Jokes on you, your mother loves me and would never forgive you_

_but yes, I did check......kind of.....well he doesn't text like a pedophile_

How would you know what a pedophile texts like 

_Well I'm not sending the bloke my postcode am I?_

_Oh and he's gay_

_Lils?_

_hellooooo_

Sorry I was just screaming into my cushion

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIENDDDDDDDDDDD

_No, I do not_

yes you do

_You literally just called him a pedophile_

do you LIKE HIM??????

_No_

_Well not like /that/ anyway_

_we've only been talking for about 2 days_

What's his naaaaaaame

_Nope nope nopety nope I do not need you tracking him down_

oh my god you don't know his name do you

_Yes I do_

REMUS LUPIN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME 

_YES I DO IT's SIRIUS_

;)

_screw you Evans_

_let me have my interaction in peace_

do you know what he looks like 

if not, find out, i need a visual to go by

_I'm not going to ask him for a picture of himself_

_thats_

_thats just weird_

can I have his number

_yeah no_

eh that was a long shot

anyways mum said we are doing school at my place tm

_okay what do I need to bring_

English Maths Science Geography French and cake

_ugh I hate languages with my entire soul_

_and no, I'm not bringing cake_

pleeease i know hope made some yesterdayyyyyyyyy

_no, we need to learn Lily_

I will do your French for you

_how many slices_

Remus

_Okay I will bring the lot_

LOVE YOU

_you love the cake_

Yes, yes I do

_Goodbye bitch_

byeeeeeeeee


	2. tuna piano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idek, Sirius discovers memes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus is in italics  
> Sirius in bold  
> Lily is underlined

**whaats the difrence betweEn a piano a tuna and a glu**

_What_

**what s the DIFFERENCE**

_You can't see me but I just sighed_

_what is the difference Sirius?_

**yOu can TUNA PIANO b u can't PIANO A TUNA**

**AHAHANDAKS LSDAC|SX**

**WASNT THAT FUNNY MOONY**

**JAMES TOLD ME THIS MORNING**

_I'm back, just had to claw my eyeballs out with a fork_

_You didn't even mention the glue_

**oHhhhhh dId yo get a bit STUCK ther moony**

**your defnitly laghing rN**

_no_

**AWHHHHHSn YOU SO AREEEE**

_no im not_

**YOUR NOT USING PROPER GRAAMMAERRRRR**

_I laughed a little_

_L I T T L E_

**mY LIFE IS COMO:ELTEEEE**

**I MA DEYOU LSUGH**

_It was a breath of air through my nose_

**STIHLLLHLLL**

_Oh you're not a pedophile are you?_

**iD LIKE TO tHinK NOT**

_okay I will be back, one second._

_** Lily ** _

_*send image*_

_Oh you're not a pedophile are you?_

_iD LIKE TO tHinK NOT_

_Okay I will be back, one second_

Okay well that's the bare minimum but good 

he types like a 5 year old

_I told him that but apparently I type like a grandad_

Well you do kinda

_bye_

<3

_** Sirius ** _

**wHERE DID U GOOOO**

**u BETTER NOT BE INTO THAT KID SHIT MOONY**

_I'm not, I just had to prove your innocence to my friend_

**mOONY AHRE YOU CHEATING ON ME**

_Yes_

**WHENR E U GOIJNG To tLEL ME**

_I wasn't, I'm only here for money and status_

**ive been betraye d**

_Life's hard_

_but no, she just wanted to make sure you weren't going to kidnap me_

**SHE ;)**

_Yes, but not like that_

**hMMhnMmm oKAY**

_Fine, you wanna do that_

_How's Prongs ;)_

**EEEEEEWWWWWWWWHEDLNQFSM < C**

**NO**

_Exactly, my Lily is your Prongs_

**Wait**

_Oh I KNEW you would do this..._

**YOU OTLD YOUR FRINED ABOUT me rnFHDJHAUBWKDJS;FINPCD|**

_It came up in conversation ONCE_

_Sirius?_

**Hiya, James here!**

_uh_

**Prongs**

_oh okay, hi_

**Sirius is a little uh preoccupied rn**

_doing what-_

**Well he got up from his bed and starteJqhd/kvhasb;n**

**IGNORE BJHIm, MOoknws**

**K/ hvyfi;dgbk/jgifewt4uwLNWG**

_You finished?_

**YEHS**

**HE WAS ATAkING ME**

_You were typing how you normally do though_

**NO I WANST**

**OH AND PROENGS WANST LILYS NUMBEr**

_What_

_Why_

**He SID HE LIKEs HER VIBEz**

_Her vibes_

_that she called you a pedophile_

**yUHp**

_fair enough_

_**Lily** _

_Can I give your number to one of Sirius' mates_

No 

_pleeease_

Remus it's midnight, go away

_LILY JANE EVANS I AM TRYING TO SET YOU UP_

_his name is James ;)_

The only James I want has a metal arm

_I'm doing it anyway_

REMUS

_03 <3_

** _Sirius_ **

_**** **** ***_

**OHMYhg AWSOEM JAMEH ISN SO HAPppY**

_She is pretty feisty, so tell him to word things carefully_

**AHSK NO**

_Praying for James_

**LMAODNNW TIS IS GONNA BE SO FUHNy**

_Sirius what the fuck is that, who taught you to send images_

_Stop, this is so pointless._

__

_THATS JUST SCARY_

**BABAHAKLFEQF:NSNEO:EA**

**I LOBE PInTERST**

****

_I currently hate it, with my entire soul._

**MKAYYY I WILL STO P FIR U BBY**

**HENLOOO?**

_why did you call me bby_

**OOOHP THERE GOWS UR GRAMMAR**

**DID I FLUHSTER U BBY**

_No_

_I have to go_

**BYE BBYYYYY**


	3. Prily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some quality Jily content ofc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is BOLD  
> Remus is ITALICS  
> Lily is UNDERLINED  
> James is NORMAL

Are you a Library book? 

Because I'm checking you out ;) 

Barf

Ouch, Okay 

You can't even see me 

I don't need to

your beauty radiates through my screen 

fair maiden 

I'm dying omg

you are joking right

Haha

yeah yeah 

OMFG YOU WEREN'T 

THAT'S SO DUMB 

SIRIUS DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE THIS RUDE 

IDEK SIRIUS 

THE ONE YOU CALLED A PEDOPHILE???

OMGHHFSKF OH YEAH

Wait 

THAT was why you wanted my number

I take safety very seriously, thank you very much

Helmets are overrated

I once made a waffle whilst in the bath

Stfu right now

Roller coasters height limits are suggestions 

Sometimes I eat raw flour to see if it actually gives you salmonella 

I DRAW THE LINE 

THAT'S JUST WRONG

Still like me so much ;)

IS IT WEIRD THAT I LIKE YOU MORE

yes

that was the complete opposite of what I was trying to do

**_ Sirius _ **

**JAMES IS SQUEALING RN BAHAHAHAA**

**wHAT THE F UCK IS UR FREND DOINH**

_I'm going to Lily's for school later_

_I will steal her phone and look_

**YOUR SHOOL IS @ HER HOUSE??!!??!????**

_Yes, that is why I said 'for school'_

**BHUT WHY**

_Reasons_

**AWH CHMON MOONY**

**WHy ARE U HOMSHOOLED**

_I just_

_Can't go outside a_ _lot_

_Immune system problems_

**Okay, sorry if you didn't want to talk about it**

_Ew ew ew_

**uhhhhh what?**

_Stop writing normally, it's weird._

**AWHHH I KNEW U LiKED MY STIYLE REMUS**

_No_

**Okay then, I will proceed to talk like the sophisticated young male I am.**

**I hope your daying is spiffing, Remus.**

_Okay, fine_

_I PREFER your other style._

_P R E F E R_

**AWHHHSKFSDFNKSLFNLSNKDF**

**I PREFER YOUR OLD MAN STYLE TOO BBY**

_Stop with the bby_

_I've known you for like 5 days_

**BEST FIHVE DAYS OF MI LIFE BBY**

_Opposite for me_

_It's been painful_

**IM GONNA IGNORE THNT**

**LOOK WHAT I LEARNT**

*** <|:‑)**

**ITS SANTA**

_Santa is a fraud_

**YOUR SUCH A SCROOGE OMFG**

**U WANNA SEE HOMER SIMPSON!?!!?!?!??!?!**

_Yes, but at the same time no_

_I feel like you're going to send it anyway_

**I AM**

**~(_8^(I)**

**BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH**

_My will to live right now is so small_

_how did you even have the time to find out about that?!_

**SCHOL SUX ASS**

_Right_

**EXCEOT FOR PROF MINNIE**

**SHES AWSOME**

_What does she teach then_

**ART N DESINE**

_I'm sorry, I can't_

_Design***_

**AWH MOONY I LOBE IT WEN U CORECT ME**

_We're getting off track_

**OHKAY**

**THANKZ**

**FORE**

**HELPENG**

**MEE**

_Do you want me to die_

_because I will_

**SOHRY**

_I will find your weaknesses_

_and use them against you_

_in front of a weeping child_

**FUCKIN HELL REMUS**

**WAHT DID THE CHIL D DO 2 U**

_It's for effect_

**buht leik....**

**hOW YOU GINA MAKE IT CRY**

_Show them a picture of Prince Philip_

**WHAT**

**WAiT LEME SERCH IT UP**

_I don't know if you can handle it, brace yourself_

_Sirius?_

**Hiya! James again!**

_fuck, what happened_

**Well he saw the picture**

**screamed**

**and is now clawing at his eyes in the bathroom**

_It's bad that I'm laughing, right_

**Oh no! There are tears in my eyes right now, don't worry.**

**While I'm here, I wanted to mention that Sirius sleepsiwu,mghßg.**

**ILHIWEFLHFLK-3892;"£*YOALJDO**

**OMFG REMUS WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT**

_You asked_

_I delivered_

**AM GONNA BE TEXTIN U WEN I HV NITEMARES**

_So....._

**WHA**

_You sleep with something do you?_

_A teddy bear?_

_Maybe a special blanket?_

**IM GONNA KILL JAMES OMFG**

**I SLEEP WITH NOTHING**

**ON OR AROUND ME OKAY**

**REMUS**

**DONT LEEVE ME NOWWWW**

_Sorry_

_did you just tell me you sleep naked?!_

**WELL**

**YEAH**

**ITS COMFY OKAY**

_ok_

**OMGJDHLslhgs**

**YOUR SO THINKIN abT ME NAKD RN**

_no im not_

**BAHAHHAHA I KNW YOUR TELLS MOONY**

**THE GRAMMARRRRRRrr**

_go away_

**IF UR GNA WANK OVR MY NAKD BODY**

**ATLEST HAE THE DECENCY TO TEL A GUY**

_I am doing no wanking over anyone's naked body's_

**SAHVING IT FR LATERR HUH ;)))))))**

_I'm leaving now_

_see what you've done_

**IM SOHRY**

**MOONY?**

**REEEEMMMUUUUSSSSSs**

**GOODNIGHT BBY**

**Author's Note:**

> You probably guessed but Tibi Muta roughly translates to you're dumb in Latin
> 
> comment any questions you have and leave kudos if you like it :)


End file.
